Brent Amacker's

Brent Amacker's
A Slightly Different Perspective

Sunday, November 23, 2008

The Crimson Tide Is Making Me FAT!

Okay, here's the deal. I have three truths that I have realized:

  1. College Football needs a playoff
  2. NOBODY in Virginia can EVER say ANYTHING about people in Alabama being rednecks or hicks, or make a tobacco-chewing or hunting joke

  3. The University of Alabama Crimson Tide is making me FAT.

The first truth can easily be proven and summarized by simply watching the games and endless ESPN reviews this season. Of course, if ALABAMA wins out I say screw a playoff! Roll Tide! If we lose a game, we will join an ever-growing list of one-loss teams crying for a chance to earn some respect on the field!

The second truth can be seen first-hand by simply taking a drive through the region. Once you get out of metropolitan D.C., it's a hillbilly hoe-down waiting to happen! Don't get me wrong... I admit there ARE plenty of red neckerson's in the South. They just are not solely restricted to the Dixie region.

The third truth will require some elaboration and back-story. (For those of you unfamiliar with the term 'back-story', it relates to what goes on before or leading up to an event or episode. Usually for a fictional literary or Hollywood character.) Every football season, my lovely wife Alice and I host gatherings to watch Crimson Tide Football. Usually this involves a couple of televisions-- inside big-screen, outside 27 or 31-inch set up on the carport for space purposes and for rowdier, outdoorsy types. I typically have my little beer fridge stocked. Everyone who attends usually also brings beer or some other alcohol. Navigation through a sea of beer-filled ice-chests and coolers is routine.

I normally will have the grill going, or the smoker. If a large crowd is to be expected, more food is cooked and the neighbors even haul over their gas grill for optimum cook-time efficiency. In other words, we throw down. This just generally has become accepted as the norm, and with the arrival of Cole & Wade Ellis, aka "The NEW Bama Twins", camping at the house is now an integral part of our gameday experience.

So, anyway, Alice and I are travelling with The New BAMA Twins and their family to Virginia and Washington, D.C. to visit family for Thanksgiving. As with any two-day drive, conversational subject matter can be very diverse. Topics range from the best route, the weather, the kids, politics, traffic, and (of course) Alabama football. As Wendell and I were discussing our appropriate attire for the week, we were both lamenting our inability to schedule sufficient exercise and our expanding waist-lines. His work schedule, along with coaching his 9-year-old son Jared's football team and helping Tina with the twins makes it hard to run or to work out. I, on the other hand, work my regular job at the tire distribution center, then draw Mardi Gras designs and commission work usually well into the night. Being 44 years old with an occasional back-pain or sciatic nerve issue tends to thwart any real effort on my part, as well.

He made the statement that college football was making his jeans tight, and we both had an epiphany: ALABAMA Football is making us fat.

There's really no argument. We cook. We drink beer. We eat. We watch football. If it's an exciting game, the beer tends to go down easier. If Bama's winning, even moreso. If there are other good games on, which this year has unusually been the case.... well, you get the picture. This year has been a cardiologist's dream. Sausage. Beer. Chips & Salsa. Steak. Wine. Cheese Dip. Crackers. Barbecue. Taco Soup. Venison. Hamburgers. Hot Dogs. Chili. Potato Chips. Gumbo. Shrimp. You name it, we probably ate it.

But here's the catch. It's a formula that has worked well so far. ALABAMA is undefeated and ranked Number One. Who are we to argue with success...? Our routine has bourn fruits of which three months ago we could only have hoped. Sure, it seems a bit superstitious. 11-0 speaks volumes. As long as The TIDE is feasting, so are we. We can diet and exercise after the season. ROLL TIDE.

By the way, on our way up, we saw a white "Hazzard County Sheriff" car up on a rollback. Yep. From "Dukes of Hazzard". Looked authentic. We figured someone probably got it at an auction. Again, the camera was packed away, so I didn't have the brains to snap a pic with my cel phone. Genius.

1 comment:

Sam said...

Brent is a very astute observer of the human condition: while the grand ole state of Virginia voted "blue" this election, there are still plenty of folk who remind of us of the real virginia many of us remember from days gone by.

Virginia, like Connectitcut, Michigan, California, and Delaware, has rednecks. But we need better BBQ! Help!


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